2024 has so far been a year of who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going in life? To what the heck am I doing? To I’m not good enough!
I have come to realise I am a multi-passionate creative. Someone who seems to jump from one creative endeavour to another. I have a love of baking (for myself and others), I love drawing and painting, I love writing (just about to start a novel again), love everything gardening (yes I find weeding therapeutic). I guess I would love to spend the second half of my life entwining all of these loves. Then as I get excited about any of them, self doubt just jumps right on top of all my creative sand castles and smashes them to smithereens.
Late March I jumped on an airplane to the other side of the world (I live Australia), destination Aberdeen, Scotland 🏴. This was my first and definitely won’t be my last trip to this beautiful part of the world. This was also the very first time I had traveled on my own internationally, and I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was visiting a very close friend for her wedding, and it was the first time in just over six years that we had seen each other. So a lot of catching up was to be done, with sights to bee seen. I was open to where ever she wanted to take me. I can say over the six days I was there I had every sight seeing box ticked. From seeing beautiful countryside, snow (yes my first time having snow fall on me, and yes I acted like a five year old. Completely excited in public), seeing gorgeous Highland Coos (cows), beautiful towns and their stunning buildings, deer, parts of Edinburgh, and greenery everywhere, with splashes of yellow daffodils. It rained, it was definitely cold (or as we labeled the weather fresh, very fresh, soggy fresh, to even balmy fresh in the sunshine, and yes the sun came out to say hi!
As much as the weather was grey, it was different from home. The feeling of the cold was different, it was icy, but it had a ‘wake you up feeling’ not a ‘oh no, not again’ feeling, but that could be the fact that I had come from Western Australia where we had experienced temperatures in late summer of 40-46C (104 – 115F) and landing in 2C (35F). Just the excitement of feeling such a difference in weather from home was exciting. Homes in Aberdeen are definitely made for their winters, where here in Australia we are more tailored to our Summers. I would absolutely love to go back and travel around Scotland, Wales, Ireland and London, definitely through early Spring into the early stages of Summer.
Snow Dreams!
Since returning home, I have wondered what changes I could make to bring my creative mind to the forefront. While away I managed to get a bit of drawing done, finished my poppies and started on a whale for a different theme.
At the moment I feel like I am in a creative holding pattern. I want to do so much, but I don’t have the time to do a lot, then I feel guilty and then the ‘why do I bother’ kicks in. I have even thought about running away to somewhere else to live and to start again. Then I think of everyone I would be letting down here. I started reading a beautiful book by Holly Ringland, called ‘The House That Joy Built’.
Her writing is devine, it feels like her words hit every note of my heart beat, like she understands when you feel like no else does. She talks about everything about giving ourselves permission and the power to create, and also delves into the world of self doubt and imposter syndrome, and believe me they are the biggest things in me that paralyse me at my core as a creative. There are days when I know my own worth and float on the wave of creativity, my ideas flow and I feel so much, then other days I can be so paralysed by self doubt and the feeling of ‘who is ever going to like what I do?’ As much as this stems back to my childhood and really all throughout my life of not ever feeling I am good enough, I want to break through this and build my life around my creative pursuits, from growing beautiful flowers, vegetables and fruit for self sufficiency, to baking beautiful sweet treats, of cakes, biscuits, honeycomb, to drawing beautiful pieces of artwork that makes emotions stir in others.
I guess now it’s up to me to stand my ground with myself and prioritise my time, my creative needs and build my sanctuaries here at home first, and then let the universe lay the road before me to where I am to follow.
As second quarter starts if 2024, our summer is now autumn, the sun still shines warm and bright, I will hope for more creative, productive days, than self doubt riddled days.
Until next time…enjoy, shine bright, and share your warmth wothers.
Hayley Glasson 