Time is now!

Today I have been able to look to the future with more than positive possibilities and as much as I am atranquil garden tad scared of what might come my way and of the unknown, I am eager and excited to find out what is ahead.

 

With regards to my novel I have written so far, we have been at a stand still of 80,000 words as I have allowed my third character to stretch her creative being. I would almost say through me, but I am not sure how many people would understand that feeling, or believe, any way…I am feeling its almost time to be back to putting the next 30,000 words down on the screen and see where the rest of the story is to take me. I feel that my third character needs to come into the fold of the other two characters in a different way to what I had first intended, and with her art being the way in.

Today I started another blog called Creative  Meditation Journaling, which is based around my journey of journaling, which has helped me through some of the darkest parts of my life and even today, when ideas strike me I have a safe place to write them down. So I have 3 journals. I have one for traditional journaling, where I just spill my guts on to the page, one for my art work, and a new one for bullet journaling, as I wish to take on December 2017 and 2018 being more conscious of what I do each day, week, month and over the year. I have found that each time I journal, I come to a meditative feeling, of relaxation and quietness where I hear my soul talking and guiding me. Please if you get a chance come on over and have a read. (Creativemeditationjournaling.wordpress.com)

I will continue to keep an update on my novel writing and my studies, as I start in February 2018 for the next 6 years, here. Creative Meditation Journaling will be more of my artistic side and journey.

Have a wonderful week everyone and maybe your time too is now!

Until we meet again.

 

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Creative Meditation

When your world seems to be spinning faster and faster, you feel like you just need to put the brakes on and stop the rollercoaster, how do you press the pause button??

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So what is Creative Meditation, for me its being able to either write or draw to the point where even though I have music on (when drawing, not writing) I don’t actually hear it, I am so engrossed and focused on my drawing and the feeling of flow when I am. I have had it also when I am writing, though it is slightly different as I tend to let the characters do the talking in my mind and I become the conduit for the words to make it to the page.

Recently as I have spoken about, my writing has come to a bit of a stand still, and I have come to see why, I have found that my characters are most definitely me in certain ways and currently I feel like my third character is playing her role in my life at the moment as I play with my art, as which she is doing in the story that I am writing. So I guess in a way its a bit of living vicariously through….hmm….is it me or my character, there is a good question.

I guess in a way I love the idea of spending hours drawing and colouring in, plus when I do as I use Pinterest for ideas, that I will go with the feel of a design more than the idea of will it look good or not. I generally know if something doesn’t look right on the page, and change it, which usually works really well. I have also been asked by a friend to draw for her designs similar to those in the ‘adult colouring-in books’ which I gave her my first one the other night and I believe she is so happy that is wanting more.

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Creative meditation will be a way I would like to introduce to future clients (psychology/counselling), as I believe it to be a practical and insightful way to help in recovery and in the journey of dealing with mental illness and eating disorders. It is a place that will be set for the client in a journal form, but not just with writing, but allowing the individual to find their creative way.

Until next time….

 

Connecting

This past week I have seen ways I have been more connected to the universal movement. Like life that is definitely not static, I am moving faster on a soul level than I ever thought I could. I have shedded so much emotional baggage that I have carried for such a long time. I am finding times that I can spend drawing and engrossing myself in creative work is where my heart desires to be.

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I started this piece recently on a day off of work, as a need for quiet down time was so desperately needed. I saw the original design on Pinterest, and as a lover the mandala’s to draw I started with the shell in the centre and found slowly an ocean theme growing in my mind. The next step was to add dolphins, a whale, ship, shells and anchors.

On Monday’s I mentor a lovely young teenager in creative writing and art, to help her bring out her own creativity that she has so much of, swirling within and as she is slowly finding her way with pen and paper, I sat and continued my drawing.

I fall into my drawings as I can do with my writing and find the time just running away, before I know it. I go into what I would call a creative meditation when I am writing or drawing and find my whole body and mind relaxes. Normally I am quite a perfectionist with my drawing especially, even though I am not as good as others, I see the potential for better works ahead. With practice comes not perfection, but experience and fine tuning techniques to bring my drawing, writing to a new level each time.

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As today I am not having to be at work, I am able to spend some quality time drawing and connecting with my soul to see what will come is always a surprise.

 

Until next time….

 

 

Book Review…The Hidden School by Dan Millman

Over the past few weeks I have been reading the last book in the Peaceful Warrior Saga by Dan Millman. I was told to read the first book of the saga in 2013 by my then triathlon coach and told to read it as it would help me with my own issues at the time. I purchased the first book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, and read an amazing and thought provoking book that helped me reach some goals and to learn more about myself at the time. I also got the second book Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior, I did start reading though for an unknown reason I haven’t finished it, maybe it wasn’t my time to read that one just yet. So when I saw the last of the series I knew within, it was a definite need to read and now.

Dan has a special way of writing, and drawing you in to his story. I love Socrates, whom is Dan’s mentor in the books. You see Socrates as more than just a man, or spirit (what ever resonates with you). He is an amazing spiritual guide and mentor, though I could see Dan’s frustrations at times in both the first and the last book. I would always read every night in bed before falling asleep, and many a night I would have the most amazing dreams. Were they connected with what I was reading? I am not sure.

In ‘The Hidden School’ Dan takes on a life changing  adventure from Honolulu to the Mojave Desert, then from a bustling Asian City to a secluded Forest ( I fell in love with this part of the adventure and could visualise the amazing place he was.) He also heads to Japan to learn I guess one of the big lessons of his spiritual journey. I again felt like I was in that same room he was in, watching him meditate and seeing what he was seeing.

I joined Dan as he discovered the hidden powers of paradox, humour and change.

Paradox: “is any self-contradictory position that, when investigated, may prove to be well-founded or true. Once understood, it opens the gateway to higher wisdom. But how can contradictory principles both be true?” pg 175

Change: “Life is a sea that brings waves of change, welcome or not. As the warrior-emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Time is a river of passing events. No sooner is one thing brought to sight than its swept away, and another takes its place. and this too will be swept away.”” pg 174

Humor: “in its highest sense, transcends the momentary tension release of laughter, and expands into a profound sense of ease and a relaxed approach to life’s occasional challenges, large or small…” pg 174

As I read the following pages I could see for myself where the three powers fell into the story and shown. When on our own quests in life I believe we all need to take time to find these three amazing powers within ourselves and our own lives or to be able to place them where needed to help us through the challenges we face in our lives on a daily basis.

The following statement hit me like a ton on bricks as I read it and it made so much sense as I travel my own life’s journey and leading into my studies…”Realization comes only from direct experience.” As I step in to my Psychology/Counselling degree I will take this statement with me and as I look to help others with eating disorders I can be honest and say that, “I do understand their need to hold on to their eating disorders, though I also understand the need to let them go an become healthy to live the best life they can without the presence of the eating disorder in their lives.” With my own 30+ years and my own recovery processes that have and continue to help myself be the best I can be emotionally, physically and even spiritually (what ever that means to others).

Maybe it is time for me to read the second book of the series, I know this its usually not done this way, but I have come to see that I don’t do things in any normal way either, and I follow my inner self (soul, intuition) when it comes to reading particular books as I believe books have a message in them some way, and will resonate with the reader at the time it is needed.

I can say that I will hold all three books very close to me and suggest to my future clients to read them as well, as I feel that they will help so many people in so many ways, and remembering we are not all the same and that we learn our own lessons, not the lessons of others.

I hope you too will one day read all three books and that they touch your heart and mind as much as they have mine.

Until next time we meet….

Have a wonderful weekend….

Finding my inner artist

 

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Over the past few weeks/months I haven’t had much success with my writing, either with my novel or memoir. Though a few words here and there have managed to make their way to the page. Instead I have spent more time practicing my drawing. I am not an artist, but love the feel of pencil to paper and even though I copy other peoples ideas and originals, its a matter of practicing my techniques and trying not to be such a perfectionist when drawing.

I scan Pinterest regularly and pin to my boards pictures that trigger my inner artist. I have come to like the idea of Zentangle a way of doodling, with simple drawings and with colour and shading, some amazing designs are found on the page. I haven’t dived in until today. While spending time with a beautiful 14 year old young lady, mentoring her in writing and helping her find her dreams, I was able to chill and get a little drawing done. I have to admit it was nice to just let the perfectionist in me be put on the side lines and just let the natural flow of pencil to paper happen.

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I have had lessons in drawing many years ago, but never really took it any further than just enjoying it as a hobby. For me know art/drawing has become a need to help me relax when I have really bad days and days that are full of stress from work and family issues. When drawing I love the feeling of time standing still, but going to darn fast at the same time. I used to be like this when I would spend many days and many hours doing folk art (painting), I was good at that, but I haven’t picked up a paint brush for over seven years, but have found comfort in my pencils, pens and paper.

Starting my degree in Psych and Counselling next February I look forward to seeing just how art and drawing can help people in many different ways with mental illness. I have myself used journaling for recovery from my eating disorder and still do so six years later and I guess drawing has become another part of the process when I get stressed or feel that I need to be still.

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I hope you like some of the photos here today.

Until next time…

 

Words, Emotions…Forgiveness.

Over the past few days I have wrestled with an internal volcano that was feeling like it needed to erupt, though not outwards. It was a feeling of implosion. I couldn’t really put my finger on the why to this feeling, more just it was happening.

My dreams are vivid and exciting and full of many clues I guess, as I try to unravel these clues I remind myself not to look at my memories of these dreams but the symbolism of the parts that stand out the most. I can still see the garden of my dream from Sunday morning. The depth of the structured water feature, the deepness of the green leaves of all the plants, the pathways that meandered through the garden. I had no idea to why I was there, though it has made such an impact on my memory, that I constantly see this garden in my mind.

I sat yesterday morning and opened my notebook and took my pen to the paper and just let the words spill from my heart. In writing session I was able to put the words, “I forgive your actions.” I put these in as I write of the memories of having controlling parents and how our relationships had to come to an end while we are all still very much alive. As much as I haven’t said it to them face to face, I felt the weight of 30+ years roll out on the page before me of hurt feelings, emotional stress and more. For me to finally come to a point where I can say ‘forgive your actions’ has taken a very long time to let out.

Even though I have managed to release the emotions, I will not be able to let my parents back into my life as I know that our time is done. I have learnt from them what I can. They are on their own paths in this world, and for me to walk away is possibly their lesson, what ever it may be.

Today I have still felt a little unsettled though as the day goes forward and I am able to sit and write or draw (creativity) I can be honest with myself and know I have done all I can, and I shall sit with the feelings I have, and not push them under the rug to fester and drag me to a point where I will never return to.

Until we meet again….

Writers Conference 2017

Waking to the sight of low lying cloud over the hills where I live as the sun started to rise for another wonderful Saturday. Headed to get hubbies coffee, and fuel for my car, before heading south of Perth to Baldivis for a long awaited Writers Conference held by Rockingham Writers Centre. As this year is the second year it has been run. Last year was wonderful, though this year was awesome.

When I registered for the conference a few months ago, I  chose a workshop for each session we were to have. Session one was ‘Overcoming Obstacles to Writing’. A wonderful session of working through you reasons why we might not make the time to write our novels/books. How we find reasons that we have no control over and how we can manage the influences that we have some control over. Coming to find I have a fair bit of time at the moment available to write, though I spend way too much time on Pinterest looking at thing of a creative nature, to fill in my time, when really I should be writing my novel and memoir.

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Morning tea was ready, with tea, coffee, pastries, fruit and more. Time for a quick chat and then for me back up stairs to the room for ‘How to Write Compelling Heroines’. My goodness, I went into this workshop thinking something completely different from when I walked out. I was taking many, many notes on the five S’s of a Compelling Heroine, and was also seeing in my own novel that I am currently 80,000 words into. I could see visually where the five S’s fitted in and how to give my character(s) agency as well. My biggest ‘aha’ moment was when I was able to discuss my novel with a fellow writer in the workshop and she loved the story that I described, but I found where I was hitting the wall so to speak of why I am not writing now as I should have been. I can now kick back into gear with my writing this coming weekend (Monday/Tuesday) with some quality time available.

It was now lunch time and my mind was whirling away quite nicely with plenty of information to come home with and reassess and restart where I had left off. During out lunch we were entertained with a Keynote speaker from Penguin Random House, Sydney, which was interesting to hear what is going on in the world of publishing. Next was the panel of authors whom submitted for ‘Writing the Dream’. A wonderful book by published authors discussing their Writing the Dream story of how they made their way into the world as a published author and more.

Afternoon tea was served and then time for the last workshop. For me it was back upstairs for ‘Juicy Lives’ a memoir workshop. This I had been itching to get to, as I have a burning in my belly to write my own memoir. With lots of sharing in our small group it was wonderful to listen to others and to share as well. I learnt a lot, and with time in the coming days to do a mind dump of what I have taken in is more than necessary to be able to move forward on my memoir and also to continue the first draft to my fictional novel. I love this writers conference so much and I can see in time it will build to be something so much more than it is in its second year.

So with not being able to come straight home to start my mind dump, I had to return to work for a few hours and again tomorrow will be working, even though I may get a moment of two to make some notes as they come to mind. Come Monday I will be able to spend a part of my day with pen, paper and dumping as much information and notes as possible and the same on Tuesday.

(Monday…Continue Post)

Mind dump done, though still thoughts running through my mind to what I have learnt from the conference and how I plan to get back into the swing of fingers to the keys and keep the story going. Plus with 2 books now ordered from Book Depository for a memoir; Hunger, A Memoir of my (body), by Roxane Gay and another book from another of my favourite authors; Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind, Living the Writers Life. So much still to learn with writing my memoir and still trying to get my fictional novel to a point of finishing the crappy first draft.

Tomorrow will be a day of writing as today I spent it in the garden as the weather was super deliciously spring time sunshine.

Till next time we meet…have a great week.

When I Grow Up…

Recently I have been trying to work out what was my purpose in life, and after reading a number of books on finding and working it all out, I have come to the realisation that going forward its time to do something I should have done when I was a lot younger, but the best part, even though it could be seen as the hardest part was going through 30 plus years of an eating disorder to come out of the dark tunnel and into the world of recovery as an adult, mother, and wife.

Last week I reapplied for a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Counselling at Edith Cowen University, Western Australia. I was initially unsuccessful as I didn’t have my English grades where they needed to be as I hadn’t been at school since 1987. I was offered an online test to prove that my English would be up to standard that they required for the course of my preference. On doing the test, which took two hours last Tuesday, I was sent through on Monday of this week an offer for a place for my chosen degree. Let’s just say I did squeal a little with excitement.

Now what lies ahead of me is 3-6 years of study, three years for my bachelor of Arts in Psych and Counselling, then fingers crossed for honours. I would be hoping to progress to the point of being a fully fledged Psychologist. I am very lucky that my dietitian has offered me the opportunity to take on her own clients for their psych needs, as we both believe that the need to find the clients’ catalyst to why they started restricting needs to be found and understood by the client, and that food and restricting is a symptom.

I can now say that at the age of 46 years old, I know what I want to be when I grow up….

No matter how old we are, if we feel the pull to do something new, to help others, or to change something in this world, then go for it and make it happen.

Until next time, have a wonderful day, night and weekend when it arrives.

Current Reading…

current reading

Currently I have multiple reads going on, though in and around the same subject areas, psychology and spiritual growth. Caroline Myss and Clarissa Pinkola Este both amazing and insightful authors. I have many a time listened to Caroline Myss on TEDx talks online, and have only just recently found Clarissa Pinkola Este and her book ‘Women Who Run With The Wolves’. Clarissa is a teller of many stories and how women can find their ‘wild woman’ within themselves. From the back cover…”Clarissa Pinkola Estes reveals how within every woman there lives a Wild Woman, filled with passionate creativity and ageless knowing, but repressed for centuries by a value system that trivialises emotional truth, intuitive wisdom and instinctual self-confidence, Dr Este’s enriching bestseller shows how, through the interpretation of story and her psychological commentary, we can reclaim and rejoice in our true feminine power–how we can awaken within the depths of our souls one who is both magic and medicine.”

It is my goal to, make some changes to the way patients/clients with eating disorders are treated here in Perth, Western Australia, hence the decision to do a degree in Psychology and Counselling and to add my own experiences and thoughts to the way I think would benefit others as it has myself. I understand that we are all very individual and that is also the base of my ideas for treatment. There are areas I believe that are being left out with treatment here, that there is not enough future contact and availability for contact as an individual is making their way in the scary world of recovery whether it be short or long term.

I love how Caroline Myss discusses Archetypes, “who are you?” Caroline dives into the world of Archetypes, such as ‘The Carer’, ‘The Intellectual’, ‘The Rebel’, and so on. There are archetypes that we all fit into and in her book “Archetypes, Who Are You?” helps us learn from the beginning our Archetypes, which will help each one of us in the choices we make down the path, of our journey in life with the knowledge we learn from reading Caroline Myss’s book.

I feel that I can use Caroline’s books to help others, to help find parts of themselves that will help them in their recovery. Also showing that if we are perceived to be different is a great thing and not to be ashamed of it. Yes there are going to be people who will put our ideas down and make us feel inferior, but we also have the choice to step beyond that feeling and know within our hearts and soul that we are doing what we were put here for.

I feel at the core of myself that this is what I am to be learning before I take on my degree and where I can see the space for spiritual help and development in the recovery and treatment of eating disorders. Again it is always down to choice, we have that power to make the changes and decisions each and every day to make our lives better and more fulfilling.

 

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Latest Additions to my Caroline Myss library

Until next we meet, have a wonderful day…

 

 

Bits and Pieces…

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As I am trying to write my life story, I am finding it is coming out in bits and pieces, unlike when I can sit and write fiction, life story is so very different. The times of remembering pivotal points in my life and knowing just how emotional they are and bringing a lot of emotion to the surface is at times hard to deal with, though needed for the story.

I sat on Monday night and managed to purge 1200 words on one particular pivotal point that was resonating so strongly at that time. I have approximately 30years to put into a life story (memoir). I know there are parts that will be harder than others to write, like the decision to remove myself from a relationship that should be strong with family, when there are reasons that you have to walk away, whether that be for a short time or indefinitely, as in my case. The scenes of when you know how to ‘work’ immediate family members to keep the secret and lie to them about what you have or haven’t done. Like for my case I could get away with saying, ‘yes I had eaten a meal’ when really I hadn’t and no-one was going to check on me and know if I did or didn’t. The time of perfecting the lies has been long.

So maybe people will wonder why I would write this story about 30 years of dealing with an eating disorder, and how I came to understand why I had it. I regularly see people dealing with mental health issues (disordered eating),  and a part of me, deep in my heart wishes people, especially teenagers and even younger that there is quality help available to deal with emotional issues, other than letting an eating disorder destroy your life and the lives of family and friends around you. I have become so passionate about breaking the silence on eating disorders that I have decided that its time to plunge into a degree in Psychology to be able to help others.

 

I spent some time this past week discussing my thoughts and feelings with my dietitian, whom diagnosed me almost six years ago, when I was just looking at ways toLife-1 gain weight for taking on endurance sports. As I sat with my dietitian, and telling her exactly what I thought of the support that was available to people of all ages with eating disorders was not what is should be and asking her opinion of certain treatment facilities here in Perth. I have come to the very clear conclusion that there needs to be more support out there. I feel deep with in myself that I could make a small dent into the area of recovery support and even preventative aspects for young people. So with this in mind and my own story to write, I am thankful for the 30 years that I went through, to be able to say I am in recovery, and have found my true self, and such understanding of just some of the ‘why’ factors of eating disorders and wish with all my heart to help others recover, and to not take the plunge into restricted or over eating to deal with emotional situations that they have in their lives, and that with professional help there are ways of healing.

Until next we meet, have a great day…