January 2018

So far this year I have spent my time at work, sorting out and re-organizing my study ready for University to start. Ordering books, and a little creative time with drawing. I am having one of those ‘nesting’ months where I go through the house and sort everything, throw out stuff and buy new furniture, and storage items for the re-organizing stage. Though this years seems a little different. Normally I would be like a whirl wind through the house, but this years I am taking things a lot slower, maybe as I get older I start to be more serious about things in my life. Not that I haven’t been serious before, but like I said, this year is different. Maybe with University starting very soon and with six years ahead of me, and getting things sorted before I start so I can maintain efficiency as I will be working full time as well, as studying three units this semester.



Amongst my getting my house organized, I have also started using one of my journals that my beautiful daughter gave me for Christmas. This week I started journaling every day. Its more about putting thoughts down, what I have achieved for the day, and anything that is bugging me. That way I get it out of my head and on to paper and not allowing myself to stew on situations in negative ways.

zentangle 28.jpg

So today I have managed to get a little drawing done as well, I am really pleased with the way this design has come out. 2018 is about me, my study and staying efficient in time and energy.

Until next time, have a wonderful day….





Today was a day of clarity in a way. While at work I had a visual of being in front of a group of students, talking about choices we make, and how even as young children we make some of the biggest choices for our ages, even though now, whether in your teens or in your adult life you look back and think that those choices were silly. Kids as young as eight to ten are thinking of taking their lives, going on diets, etc. Those are thoughts and choices that a child of that age shouldn’t be making. In today’s day and age, society projects on to children in this age bracket and sometimes even younger.

So here is a little of my story, at the tender age of 10 I made a choice not to eat my lunch at school any more, was it a conscious decision? possibly, was it a subconscious decision, most definitely. This decision led to 30 years of only eating one meal a day, and less if I could. Which in turn with the coupling of undiagnosed Ceoliac Disease I spent nearly two years in the depths of depression and suicidal thoughts. Though during that time I was able to some how see or feel that there was more to my life, that I had dreams, but felt in such a brain fog that I didn’t think I could get out. Once I started a gluten free diet I was able to clear the depression fog and to be ‘more human’ again. Though still only eating minimal, and having an active life with two young children.

It wasn’t until I reached my 40th year that I thought something needed to change, though I still had not inkling that I was in the grips of an eating disorder, until I made contact with a dietitian who asked the right question at our first appointment. Yes I denied it straight away, but the following week at the next appointment I came to admit I had an eating disorder. Then it was on to find out why, and how and how come. Lets jump the next six years of therapy and insight for now. Just know that it took some time, a lot of writing (journal), discussions with my psychologist and a final straw with my family (parents) to hit a point of being able to say I was finally on the other side and well on the way to complete recovery.

So let’s head back to my moments today of clarity. I see a place where I could possibly make a difference in peoples lives, hence starting my degree in psychology and counseling, but for me it goes deeper than that. There is a deep seated drive to open teens to what choices we make, and how they can not be just in the moment, but be there for a life time, in positive and negative ways. I just feel that kids need to be told that in life there are many ways to get to where they want to go. There will be experiences that will change them and that to live life and not just, survive life.

It took me writing 80,000 words for a fictional novel that I will in time complete, I am sure, to see parts of my own life unfold before me, where I couldn’t see it any other way. I still know I need to write my memoir on the life experiences of my eating disorder and especially of the recovery, which is so important. I might not stand in front of a group of students this year or even next, but I know in my heart that I will one day.


Change for 2018


Realization number 1, my novel I started writing, was for me to see where my path was going.

Realization number 2, I will go back to writing my novel, but not right now, as I thought I would have.

I don’t like using the word Resolution at the beginning of any year. I will go with goal, understanding or acknowledge;  I am starting my university degree in 7 weeks time. Today I ordered just one of my books for ‘History and Perspectives’ which I am super looking forward to receiving in the next few days. It just makes the decision to study so much more real and right.

Braving the Wilderness

I have spent a lot of time working over the Christmas period and not having a lot of down time. Though the moments I get I have spent drawing (zentangling), building my own Creative Meditation work. Picking up Dr Brene Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness” has become a book that will fill my heart and soul with ways to help others as I go through my studies, her way of seeing aspects of lives and discussing them live and in writing shows me just how important acknowledging and understanding our falls, in our lives and how we need to be curious about them and to be able to learn, understand and stand back up and move forward and we will continue to fall at times in our lives, its those times we need to stay curious and learn again, and stand once more.


I hope 2018 is an awesome year for us all….

Until next time….


Time is now!

Today I have been able to look to the future with more than positive possibilities and as much as I am atranquil garden tad scared of what might come my way and of the unknown, I am eager and excited to find out what is ahead.


With regards to my novel I have written so far, we have been at a stand still of 80,000 words as I have allowed my third character to stretch her creative being. I would almost say through me, but I am not sure how many people would understand that feeling, or believe, any way…I am feeling its almost time to be back to putting the next 30,000 words down on the screen and see where the rest of the story is to take me. I feel that my third character needs to come into the fold of the other two characters in a different way to what I had first intended, and with her art being the way in.

Today I started another blog called Creative  Meditation Journaling, which is based around my journey of journaling, which has helped me through some of the darkest parts of my life and even today, when ideas strike me I have a safe place to write them down. So I have 3 journals. I have one for traditional journaling, where I just spill my guts on to the page, one for my art work, and a new one for bullet journaling, as I wish to take on December 2017 and 2018 being more conscious of what I do each day, week, month and over the year. I have found that each time I journal, I come to a meditative feeling, of relaxation and quietness where I hear my soul talking and guiding me. Please if you get a chance come on over and have a read. (Creativemeditationjournaling.wordpress.com)

I will continue to keep an update on my novel writing and my studies, as I start in February 2018 for the next 6 years, here. Creative Meditation Journaling will be more of my artistic side and journey.

Have a wonderful week everyone and maybe your time too is now!

Until we meet again.


Creative Meditation

When your world seems to be spinning faster and faster, you feel like you just need to put the brakes on and stop the rollercoaster, how do you press the pause button??


So what is Creative Meditation, for me its being able to either write or draw to the point where even though I have music on (when drawing, not writing) I don’t actually hear it, I am so engrossed and focused on my drawing and the feeling of flow when I am. I have had it also when I am writing, though it is slightly different as I tend to let the characters do the talking in my mind and I become the conduit for the words to make it to the page.

Recently as I have spoken about, my writing has come to a bit of a stand still, and I have come to see why, I have found that my characters are most definitely me in certain ways and currently I feel like my third character is playing her role in my life at the moment as I play with my art, as which she is doing in the story that I am writing. So I guess in a way its a bit of living vicariously through….hmm….is it me or my character, there is a good question.

I guess in a way I love the idea of spending hours drawing and colouring in, plus when I do as I use Pinterest for ideas, that I will go with the feel of a design more than the idea of will it look good or not. I generally know if something doesn’t look right on the page, and change it, which usually works really well. I have also been asked by a friend to draw for her designs similar to those in the ‘adult colouring-in books’ which I gave her my first one the other night and I believe she is so happy that is wanting more.

star of feathers

Creative meditation will be a way I would like to introduce to future clients (psychology/counselling), as I believe it to be a practical and insightful way to help in recovery and in the journey of dealing with mental illness and eating disorders. It is a place that will be set for the client in a journal form, but not just with writing, but allowing the individual to find their creative way.

Until next time….



This past week I have seen ways I have been more connected to the universal movement. Like life that is definitely not static, I am moving faster on a soul level than I ever thought I could. I have shedded so much emotional baggage that I have carried for such a long time. I am finding times that I can spend drawing and engrossing myself in creative work is where my heart desires to be.


I started this piece recently on a day off of work, as a need for quiet down time was so desperately needed. I saw the original design on Pinterest, and as a lover the mandala’s to draw I started with the shell in the centre and found slowly an ocean theme growing in my mind. The next step was to add dolphins, a whale, ship, shells and anchors.

On Monday’s I mentor a lovely young teenager in creative writing and art, to help her bring out her own creativity that she has so much of, swirling within and as she is slowly finding her way with pen and paper, I sat and continued my drawing.

I fall into my drawings as I can do with my writing and find the time just running away, before I know it. I go into what I would call a creative meditation when I am writing or drawing and find my whole body and mind relaxes. Normally I am quite a perfectionist with my drawing especially, even though I am not as good as others, I see the potential for better works ahead. With practice comes not perfection, but experience and fine tuning techniques to bring my drawing, writing to a new level each time.


As today I am not having to be at work, I am able to spend some quality time drawing and connecting with my soul to see what will come is always a surprise.


Until next time….



Book Review…The Hidden School by Dan Millman

Over the past few weeks I have been reading the last book in the Peaceful Warrior Saga by Dan Millman. I was told to read the first book of the saga in 2013 by my then triathlon coach and told to read it as it would help me with my own issues at the time. I purchased the first book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, and read an amazing and thought provoking book that helped me reach some goals and to learn more about myself at the time. I also got the second book Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior, I did start reading though for an unknown reason I haven’t finished it, maybe it wasn’t my time to read that one just yet. So when I saw the last of the series I knew within, it was a definite need to read and now.

Dan has a special way of writing, and drawing you in to his story. I love Socrates, whom is Dan’s mentor in the books. You see Socrates as more than just a man, or spirit (what ever resonates with you). He is an amazing spiritual guide and mentor, though I could see Dan’s frustrations at times in both the first and the last book. I would always read every night in bed before falling asleep, and many a night I would have the most amazing dreams. Were they connected with what I was reading? I am not sure.

In ‘The Hidden School’ Dan takes on a life changing  adventure from Honolulu to the Mojave Desert, then from a bustling Asian City to a secluded Forest ( I fell in love with this part of the adventure and could visualise the amazing place he was.) He also heads to Japan to learn I guess one of the big lessons of his spiritual journey. I again felt like I was in that same room he was in, watching him meditate and seeing what he was seeing.

I joined Dan as he discovered the hidden powers of paradox, humour and change.

Paradox: “is any self-contradictory position that, when investigated, may prove to be well-founded or true. Once understood, it opens the gateway to higher wisdom. But how can contradictory principles both be true?” pg 175

Change: “Life is a sea that brings waves of change, welcome or not. As the warrior-emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Time is a river of passing events. No sooner is one thing brought to sight than its swept away, and another takes its place. and this too will be swept away.”” pg 174

Humor: “in its highest sense, transcends the momentary tension release of laughter, and expands into a profound sense of ease and a relaxed approach to life’s occasional challenges, large or small…” pg 174

As I read the following pages I could see for myself where the three powers fell into the story and shown. When on our own quests in life I believe we all need to take time to find these three amazing powers within ourselves and our own lives or to be able to place them where needed to help us through the challenges we face in our lives on a daily basis.

The following statement hit me like a ton on bricks as I read it and it made so much sense as I travel my own life’s journey and leading into my studies…”Realization comes only from direct experience.” As I step in to my Psychology/Counselling degree I will take this statement with me and as I look to help others with eating disorders I can be honest and say that, “I do understand their need to hold on to their eating disorders, though I also understand the need to let them go an become healthy to live the best life they can without the presence of the eating disorder in their lives.” With my own 30+ years and my own recovery processes that have and continue to help myself be the best I can be emotionally, physically and even spiritually (what ever that means to others).

Maybe it is time for me to read the second book of the series, I know this its usually not done this way, but I have come to see that I don’t do things in any normal way either, and I follow my inner self (soul, intuition) when it comes to reading particular books as I believe books have a message in them some way, and will resonate with the reader at the time it is needed.

I can say that I will hold all three books very close to me and suggest to my future clients to read them as well, as I feel that they will help so many people in so many ways, and remembering we are not all the same and that we learn our own lessons, not the lessons of others.

I hope you too will one day read all three books and that they touch your heart and mind as much as they have mine.

Until next time we meet….

Have a wonderful weekend….

Finding my inner artist



Over the past few weeks/months I haven’t had much success with my writing, either with my novel or memoir. Though a few words here and there have managed to make their way to the page. Instead I have spent more time practicing my drawing. I am not an artist, but love the feel of pencil to paper and even though I copy other peoples ideas and originals, its a matter of practicing my techniques and trying not to be such a perfectionist when drawing.

I scan Pinterest regularly and pin to my boards pictures that trigger my inner artist. I have come to like the idea of Zentangle a way of doodling, with simple drawings and with colour and shading, some amazing designs are found on the page. I haven’t dived in until today. While spending time with a beautiful 14 year old young lady, mentoring her in writing and helping her find her dreams, I was able to chill and get a little drawing done. I have to admit it was nice to just let the perfectionist in me be put on the side lines and just let the natural flow of pencil to paper happen.


I have had lessons in drawing many years ago, but never really took it any further than just enjoying it as a hobby. For me know art/drawing has become a need to help me relax when I have really bad days and days that are full of stress from work and family issues. When drawing I love the feeling of time standing still, but going to darn fast at the same time. I used to be like this when I would spend many days and many hours doing folk art (painting), I was good at that, but I haven’t picked up a paint brush for over seven years, but have found comfort in my pencils, pens and paper.

Starting my degree in Psych and Counselling next February I look forward to seeing just how art and drawing can help people in many different ways with mental illness. I have myself used journaling for recovery from my eating disorder and still do so six years later and I guess drawing has become another part of the process when I get stressed or feel that I need to be still.


I hope you like some of the photos here today.

Until next time…


Words, Emotions…Forgiveness.

Over the past few days I have wrestled with an internal volcano that was feeling like it needed to erupt, though not outwards. It was a feeling of implosion. I couldn’t really put my finger on the why to this feeling, more just it was happening.

My dreams are vivid and exciting and full of many clues I guess, as I try to unravel these clues I remind myself not to look at my memories of these dreams but the symbolism of the parts that stand out the most. I can still see the garden of my dream from Sunday morning. The depth of the structured water feature, the deepness of the green leaves of all the plants, the pathways that meandered through the garden. I had no idea to why I was there, though it has made such an impact on my memory, that I constantly see this garden in my mind.

I sat yesterday morning and opened my notebook and took my pen to the paper and just let the words spill from my heart. In writing session I was able to put the words, “I forgive your actions.” I put these in as I write of the memories of having controlling parents and how our relationships had to come to an end while we are all still very much alive. As much as I haven’t said it to them face to face, I felt the weight of 30+ years roll out on the page before me of hurt feelings, emotional stress and more. For me to finally come to a point where I can say ‘forgive your actions’ has taken a very long time to let out.

Even though I have managed to release the emotions, I will not be able to let my parents back into my life as I know that our time is done. I have learnt from them what I can. They are on their own paths in this world, and for me to walk away is possibly their lesson, what ever it may be.

Today I have still felt a little unsettled though as the day goes forward and I am able to sit and write or draw (creativity) I can be honest with myself and know I have done all I can, and I shall sit with the feelings I have, and not push them under the rug to fester and drag me to a point where I will never return to.

Until we meet again….

Writers Conference 2017

Waking to the sight of low lying cloud over the hills where I live as the sun started to rise for another wonderful Saturday. Headed to get hubbies coffee, and fuel for my car, before heading south of Perth to Baldivis for a long awaited Writers Conference held by Rockingham Writers Centre. As this year is the second year it has been run. Last year was wonderful, though this year was awesome.

When I registered for the conference a few months ago, I  chose a workshop for each session we were to have. Session one was ‘Overcoming Obstacles to Writing’. A wonderful session of working through you reasons why we might not make the time to write our novels/books. How we find reasons that we have no control over and how we can manage the influences that we have some control over. Coming to find I have a fair bit of time at the moment available to write, though I spend way too much time on Pinterest looking at thing of a creative nature, to fill in my time, when really I should be writing my novel and memoir.

writers conference 2017

Morning tea was ready, with tea, coffee, pastries, fruit and more. Time for a quick chat and then for me back up stairs to the room for ‘How to Write Compelling Heroines’. My goodness, I went into this workshop thinking something completely different from when I walked out. I was taking many, many notes on the five S’s of a Compelling Heroine, and was also seeing in my own novel that I am currently 80,000 words into. I could see visually where the five S’s fitted in and how to give my character(s) agency as well. My biggest ‘aha’ moment was when I was able to discuss my novel with a fellow writer in the workshop and she loved the story that I described, but I found where I was hitting the wall so to speak of why I am not writing now as I should have been. I can now kick back into gear with my writing this coming weekend (Monday/Tuesday) with some quality time available.

It was now lunch time and my mind was whirling away quite nicely with plenty of information to come home with and reassess and restart where I had left off. During out lunch we were entertained with a Keynote speaker from Penguin Random House, Sydney, which was interesting to hear what is going on in the world of publishing. Next was the panel of authors whom submitted for ‘Writing the Dream’. A wonderful book by published authors discussing their Writing the Dream story of how they made their way into the world as a published author and more.

Afternoon tea was served and then time for the last workshop. For me it was back upstairs for ‘Juicy Lives’ a memoir workshop. This I had been itching to get to, as I have a burning in my belly to write my own memoir. With lots of sharing in our small group it was wonderful to listen to others and to share as well. I learnt a lot, and with time in the coming days to do a mind dump of what I have taken in is more than necessary to be able to move forward on my memoir and also to continue the first draft to my fictional novel. I love this writers conference so much and I can see in time it will build to be something so much more than it is in its second year.

So with not being able to come straight home to start my mind dump, I had to return to work for a few hours and again tomorrow will be working, even though I may get a moment of two to make some notes as they come to mind. Come Monday I will be able to spend a part of my day with pen, paper and dumping as much information and notes as possible and the same on Tuesday.

(Monday…Continue Post)

Mind dump done, though still thoughts running through my mind to what I have learnt from the conference and how I plan to get back into the swing of fingers to the keys and keep the story going. Plus with 2 books now ordered from Book Depository for a memoir; Hunger, A Memoir of my (body), by Roxane Gay and another book from another of my favourite authors; Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind, Living the Writers Life. So much still to learn with writing my memoir and still trying to get my fictional novel to a point of finishing the crappy first draft.

Tomorrow will be a day of writing as today I spent it in the garden as the weather was super deliciously spring time sunshine.

Till next time we meet…have a great week.