Over the last week or so, I have had the words ‘Self Worth’ constantly doing laps around my mind, for many reasons ranging from my recovery journey of my eating disorder, to my everyday life thoughts, of am I worth it.
I have a dream to help others with their recovery journeys from their eating disorders, so with this dream in mind I have decided its time to actually do something about it. I will start two degrees at two separate universities online as I work full time. Its the only way I can manage working and study. So the first degree is a Bachelor of Arts(Psychology) and the second a Bachelor of Arts (English and Creative Writing). Its time to put what I am good at into action. Its time to put my own experiences into words, and onto pages and know that even if I help one person then my work is done. I believe that by helping one we help many and so the cycle goes. Though I believe that there is more than one way to help those who are either still wrapped in the arms of the dreaded eating disorder, those who are on the edge of wanting help and those who are starting their journey to healthy living, and by healthy living I don’t mean eating a balanced diet, there is so much to eating disorders that a lot of people just don’t understand, unless you have actually been through it.
As someone who has been what I call and high functioning anorexic from the age of ten years old, and started looking for professional help at the age of 41. I remember the day of walking into the GP’s office to ask about weight gain, and for him to look at me and say, ‘you look fine.’ to some months later, to be sitting in the dietitians office being asked the question, “do you think you have an eating disorder?” to my instant answer was “NO.” The following week as I sat again in the same office of my now dietitian to be re-asked the same question, “Do you think you have an eating disorder?” to this time answering with a “Yes.” Since that day five years ago, I have cried, screamed, laughed and cried some more, but most importantly I have managed to find my self worth pretty, much on my own. Yes I had support during visits to my GP (who understands), Psychologist, dietitian, support team of family and friends. Though it hasn’t been until very recently while reading some books, that I have come to really see the time of true recovery.
To me true recovery starts at that moment when you come to see that your own self worth is of upmost importance to living a healthy life, again I am not talking about a balanced diet and healthy exercise. I am talking about the connection between mind, body and spirit, and even further to truly be in recovery. I also at this point don’t believe I will ever be cured of my eating disorder, I just know how to keep it out of my life, though I know that it lurks close enough that without my inner strength and feeling worthwhile of being happy and healthy that is could make its way back into my life.
I hope with learning psychology and furthering my writing that by bringing the two together that some where and some how I will be able to help others and continue the strong path that I follow every day of fighting with all that I have to stay happy and healthy.
Until next time we meet….have a great day…