As I am trying to write my life story, I am finding it is coming out in bits and pieces, unlike when I can sit and write fiction, life story is so very different. The times of remembering pivotal points in my life and knowing just how emotional they are and bringing a lot of emotion to the surface is at times hard to deal with, though needed for the story.
I sat on Monday night and managed to purge 1200 words on one particular pivotal point that was resonating so strongly at that time. I have approximately 30years to put into a life story (memoir). I know there are parts that will be harder than others to write, like the decision to remove myself from a relationship that should be strong with family, when there are reasons that you have to walk away, whether that be for a short time or indefinitely, as in my case. The scenes of when you know how to ‘work’ immediate family members to keep the secret and lie to them about what you have or haven’t done. Like for my case I could get away with saying, ‘yes I had eaten a meal’ when really I hadn’t and no-one was going to check on me and know if I did or didn’t. The time of perfecting the lies has been long.
So maybe people will wonder why I would write this story about 30 years of dealing with an eating disorder, and how I came to understand why I had it. I regularly see people dealing with mental health issues (disordered eating), and a part of me, deep in my heart wishes people, especially teenagers and even younger that there is quality help available to deal with emotional issues, other than letting an eating disorder destroy your life and the lives of family and friends around you. I have become so passionate about breaking the silence on eating disorders that I have decided that its time to plunge into a degree in Psychology to be able to help others.
I spent some time this past week discussing my thoughts and feelings with my dietitian, whom diagnosed me almost six years ago, when I was just looking at ways to gain weight for taking on endurance sports. As I sat with my dietitian, and telling her exactly what I thought of the support that was available to people of all ages with eating disorders was not what is should be and asking her opinion of certain treatment facilities here in Perth. I have come to the very clear conclusion that there needs to be more support out there. I feel deep with in myself that I could make a small dent into the area of recovery support and even preventative aspects for young people. So with this in mind and my own story to write, I am thankful for the 30 years that I went through, to be able to say I am in recovery, and have found my true self, and such understanding of just some of the ‘why’ factors of eating disorders and wish with all my heart to help others recover, and to not take the plunge into restricted or over eating to deal with emotional situations that they have in their lives, and that with professional help there are ways of healing.
Until next we meet, have a great day…