Sitting alone, peace and quiet surrounds her, there are only the noises of a pigeon, a distant dog bark, her mind trying to work out things in life. Does she write the article now, does she continue the first draft of her manuscript, or does she just enjoy the time of peace and scroll through Pinterest finding so many ideas for her home and even her character?
Her creative mind has always been on the go, for as long as she can remember, the older she got the creativeness changed, into creating ways not to eat. Going through disordered eating treatment has bought her to the other side of the dark tunnel where there is just light, learning, and more understanding as time passes. From a sports fanatic to now craving for her writers den, her computer, papers, pens and books. The time that she has to put fingers to the keys or pen to paper is minimal at times, but she knows every minute she is away from it, the craving is so much stronger.
Years were spent journaling in her darkest times, the want to be someone, as she felt that she was no-one, and never good enough for anyone either. She felt she couldn’t give anything to her children as she felt herself, she wasn’t enough. The constant blur that was her mind, the constant want to be someone that she wasn’t, to be someone that was important, that she felt she wasn’t. Years of keeping this bottled up, came out everyday in her journals. Page after page of the same words, just in a different order. It wasn’t until twenty years later, months of psychological treatment that her thoughts about herself started to change. It didn’t happen over night, though even today another three years down the track her vision of who she truly is, is becoming clearer day by day.
Today as she sits in her writers den, surrounded by what makes her happy, her computer, paper spread over the desk, paint colour swatches, chocolate, and her beloved German Shepherd sleeping by her feet as she types. Thoughts of her characters from her novel passing in and out of her mind, the ideas for future novels, ideas for magazine articles, interior design ideas and her other love interior decorating, storage ideas and stationary. After now re-arranging her writers den multiple times over the last few weeks, she feels that things are coming together and her desk (a trestle table)is placed where she can see into the kitchen and not have distractions by the birds playing in the garden out side her window, though she is able to see out on to her patio. Her white cube book shelf is right next to her desk, her previous desk which was made originally as a quilters cutting table, will now become a design table, as her mind runs through house designs that she would like to play with, and maybe not just for her characters.
From a life of emotional stress, frustration, negativity, and even suicidal thoughts, today her world has become her haven, her safe place to be her true self. Usually the preference is that she be alone, and with her dog, though slowly each day she becomes more and more accustomed to her adult children and husband being a little noisy at times and not realising that she might just be in a moment of writing and that when spoken to, her concentration wanes. Though most times it doesn’t take much to get back to the words of the story, though its more a matter of learning to control the frustration so the block for writing doesn’t happen.
It is not just her writing that she loves so deeply, or her german shepherd, it is her garden, or a lack of garden. It is not a lack of space for a garden, there is plenty, it is a matter of having plants to plant out in her back yard, that is now ready to receive new native Australian plants and stunning English cottage plants. Her goal for her garden is to blend both Australian natives and English Cottage. Today, she headed to her favourite nursery, Zanthorrea. It is not far from home, and such a beautifully warm Autumn day was just the calling she needed to go. Her love for gardening stems back to her childhood, and this particular nursery has been around that long as well and she would have been there when she was a child. Today walking out, held in her hands is an ice-cream container with nine small tubes of native plants; grevilleas, in different colours, a callistemon that is pink flowering and others. She wishes to wait until the sun drops and the outside temperature drops a little more. Her love for roses, gardenias, camellias, lilies, hydrangeas, magnolias and many more different cottage plants. Her idea for her garden is coming together very slowly, but the end result will be worth the wait.
So with another weekend for her almost over, and another work week ahead, it is time to head back to Pinterest for a little inspiration and ideas for her own home, and her characters needs for her clients. Oh and time to go and water the rest of her pots on the patio.
Have a wonderful week everyone.